This is not what I've thought things would turn out to be. This is not what I've imagined. My feelings betrayed me. This has gone too far. This is far more than what I've expected.
Before I've decided to consider thinking things out and face the consequences, I've already anticipated pain, disappointments and tears. Now that everything went out to be the opposite, I'm getting confused. This is too much and I really don't think I can handle this one.
Escape.
Many times I've thought that this would be the answer to every question I've been wanting to solve. But how? The more I think everything over, the more I hurt myself because I know, deep in me, I wanted to stay. I wanted to be there, always. I wanted to be near, watching. Why can't I accept the fact that I've fallen in love with the very thing I'm scared of since its existence? Why can't I let myself fall and just accept that pain would really follow next whatever happens? I know, I'm a loser. At least, I've tried. Than not trying at all and still, I would end up being a big L. Many times I've thought that the thing is too good to be true. Without even thinking that I might end up with something "too good to be true".
I hate myself for being so confused most of the time. I hate myself for the fear and doubt I have toward this thing. I hate myself for thinking all these things and still, I opt to stay and face whatever there is to face.
The truth is, I'm not scared of seeing it leave and having myself getting hurt. I'm scared of leaving it and having it getting hurt. I don't have the heart to do it. My destiny is not in my hands. My destiny is not imaginable. My destiny cannot be foretold. My destiny does not lie in my dreams...and even nightmares. My destiny is already there. Waiting for me to arrive at the right time. And I won't accept the fact that there is such thing as the "right time". Though, I'm scared, my dreams have already told me how would I end up my earthly days. The problem is, when will it happen? Do I still have the chance to change everything? Or at least, do something while time is ticking.
I'm scared of dying.
Whatever happens, I promise, my heart will stay.
Before I've decided to consider thinking things out and face the consequences, I've already anticipated pain, disappointments and tears. Now that everything went out to be the opposite, I'm getting confused. This is too much and I really don't think I can handle this one.
Escape.
Many times I've thought that this would be the answer to every question I've been wanting to solve. But how? The more I think everything over, the more I hurt myself because I know, deep in me, I wanted to stay. I wanted to be there, always. I wanted to be near, watching. Why can't I accept the fact that I've fallen in love with the very thing I'm scared of since its existence? Why can't I let myself fall and just accept that pain would really follow next whatever happens? I know, I'm a loser. At least, I've tried. Than not trying at all and still, I would end up being a big L. Many times I've thought that the thing is too good to be true. Without even thinking that I might end up with something "too good to be true".
I hate myself for being so confused most of the time. I hate myself for the fear and doubt I have toward this thing. I hate myself for thinking all these things and still, I opt to stay and face whatever there is to face.
The truth is, I'm not scared of seeing it leave and having myself getting hurt. I'm scared of leaving it and having it getting hurt. I don't have the heart to do it. My destiny is not in my hands. My destiny is not imaginable. My destiny cannot be foretold. My destiny does not lie in my dreams...and even nightmares. My destiny is already there. Waiting for me to arrive at the right time. And I won't accept the fact that there is such thing as the "right time". Though, I'm scared, my dreams have already told me how would I end up my earthly days. The problem is, when will it happen? Do I still have the chance to change everything? Or at least, do something while time is ticking.
I'm scared of dying.
Whatever happens, I promise, my heart will stay.
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