awakening

Yesterday was...hmmm. I don't know.
I was in a certified lunatic mood. I can't understand why all along, I felt everything was in the right place but they're not. I wanted to feel happy and just be happy.
No, I am happy. With him. Yes, with him. But, am I really? I AM.
Why am I still convincing myself when I already knew?
I just can't understand the feeling of contentment and confusion mixed at the same time.
A friend once told me, "You're happy. You just won't let yourself feel it."
I already had this doubt since last year. I told myself."Why not try?" Fine.
That was a month ago. More than a month actually.
What now? I'm scared of having to end up like THEM.
I'm scared of what people would say.
I'm scared of the things that could happen which I might not be able to accept.
Well, so what?..I know, I know, you've got to bear with my inconsistent mindset.
Yes, I had doubts, confusions and fears.. But now?
Fear is already dead. Doubt is still there, dying.
Waiting for the right timing to murder confusion.
Here I am. I've tried, still trying and I think, I'd be able to live up with it.
Unbelievable,I'm somewhere I've never thought I'd be.
I may have a lot of fears crossing over my mind but it's fine.
Because, sometimes, the thing that you're scared of, is usually the most worthwhile.
What I really feel right now is that, I am happy when I get to be with him.
And I think that's worth it. Nothing more.

daydreaming

Confused and lost. Is this the right time to tell myself to stop imagining things which apparently are unimaginable? Do I have the right to become happy when all this time, I know that I made the wrong decision. Is it really? No, I don't think so. I know sometimes I tend to doubt on everything that passes my mind but everything happens for a reason, right? And I believe, we all have to live up with those reasons, whatever they may be. Sometimes, we need to risk things in order to give way for another. Sometimes, we temporarily ignore consequences not because you want to but you really need to for personal sake. People tend to make mistakes and wrong decisions intentionally. I might be like that. Maybe because I wanted an independent move or simply because I wanted something I fear I could never have in the future. I don't care what this brings out later. What I care most is the feeling of contentment on the situation I am in to. I don't care what people would say as long as I think that everything's fine. I don't care how people I care would think as long as there are still people who would say that all's well. I just want everything to freeze and enjoy the moment of perfectness. Yes, I might be hallucinating or maybe, just daydreaming, I just don't want to be disturbed forever, if possible.

lunchmates

Fortunately, I got the chance to meet and befriend with ten paranoid girls of section C. Well, it all started when we spent our free time together in People's Park where we actually started to share our chats, crazy stuffs, bloopers and laughter. Later then, we started our circle of friends until we got to be more closed when we ate lunch together. That's how lunchmates originated. Nobody can explain how blessed I am for meeting these mentally incapacitated girls whom I've learned to care and love. I feel so lucky to have met ivy, a not-so fat schizophrenic girl from Malita, aprille, an obsessive-compulsive ex-patient from Matina Aplaya, klarnette, a talented autistic girl from Toril, sheena, a sweet girl from Pagadian who always hallucinate, ruby, a very nice girl from kidapawan who happens to have a gender identity disorder, ruffa, a paranoid ex-boldstar from Sasa, artess, a mentally retarded frustrated writer from Sasa, floragine, a mongoloid radio commentator also known as Dra. Love, kristine, a very kind girl from buhangin who has a panic attack disorder and lastly, ate maricel, an emo with brief psychotic disorder. . Wierd, isn't it? Well, they're my friends.! I've got friends back in Surigao too. Like them, lunchmates are irreplaceble. Hopefully, sharing won't end as to friendship will remain til the last breath. I'm so hapi to have you lunchmates. I really appreciate the trust that had been part of our foundation. Moments and secrets shared together will always be cherished. May we have more moments and get-togethers as time goes by.. Now, who says I couldn't get the best of both worlds?..love u lunchmates.

P.S.
ang atong daily funds ba..LOL.

vigils and fasting

When can I get a super duper human night? Two more weeks to go and I'll be saying goodbye to CP season. Season of vigils and fasting. O yea.. I just love it. It's like suicide in a slow motion. I just hate it when nobody does the first move in which apparently leave you no choice but to stand between the group.. I just hate it when you're going to assign specific tasks and then all you could get are complaints and rotten reasons! I just hate those times when I get to see the sunrise without getting a chance to close my eyes first even just for 5mins. Shocks. I just hate it when I have to shout at my sister to let me use the computer not because I wanted to browse the net but because I need to finish the FNCP. . .Familiar? Yea right. It's not really nice to listen to my elder sister's litany about how messy I could get if not well reminded. Much more with my mother's consistent speech about my supposed-to-be household chores which obviously I didn't get to start with. It's not a very good feeling when you need to skip lunch because the manuscript must be submitted at 2PM and then everybody else just sit and wait for us to arrive. It's not really easy to formulate justifications for the computation of hx px, make the NCP and revise everything. I just hate it when you've already assigned tasks to people weeks before it is needed and then they're going to start doing it a day before the submission and finally, I still get to see it for the last time and when you found out they're making nonsense out of it, you don't have a choice but to edit and revise what has been made. (sigh) I still have more, so much more to say. But anyway, everything's okay with me. It's just that I really don't want abusive people around me. They're making me sooo sick. What I really wanted these coming days is to have our case study proofread and later, subject for a hardbound copy. Bitaw guys, frankly, I just want to sleep...and sleep...and sleep... for compensation purpose only. aheem.. Hehehe.

Thanks to my groupmates anyway. Everybody has exerted their effort, atleast that's what I think. To Ivy bebang, na sige suggest ug overnight pero maoy una matulog. To jen, for accompanying ivy bebang ug maoy sunod matulog. To klarnette, my co-survivor na nauna ug 5mins tulog kesa nko. Thanks for the effort nga super obvious. Asa napud kaya ta ani nextym. Ayaw na sa balay kay kusog kaayo mo mangaon. Ma-purdoy mi ninyo. hehe. Bitaw, anytime bsta si ivy bebang mka learn pag-pray before eating. hahaha.. To aprille, orly, francis and jason. Thanks for doing your individual tasks. . Although, not perfect atong presentation, atleast we've done our best. GO GROUP2B!!..

To sec.C, good work everyone! 'Til next community duty... Paalam!